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Thursday, 19 January 2017

Stunning Beauty Cronicles, part 4 (WHoOG)

That was a session where I didn't do much. Listen to my tale, and discover why.
BTW, that's not why I delayed describing it for so long. I just didn't find the time, that's all.

***

The session involves the PCs micromanaging a brothel. If such things bother you, try to skip the part in italics that begins with "while waiting for Da Su Su, we got bored".

***

After the Unkept Lion appeared and announced having got an appointment with the guy who organized the murder of his master, we started making a plan.
The plan he had come up with was to pretend our clan's head had a dislike for Da Su Su. So, they'd meet to discuss how to turn the Two-Timing Cockerel against her, in the hope that him killing her would let them live without hiding. We started discussing it (there were, shall I say, some inconsistencies in his plan...unsurprising for a guy who spends most of his time drunk, I know). I was there as part of the Yu clan who has his reason to tell us the best way to achieve that.
My IC wife just told us, basically, that "all men are stupid, but we put up with you because the sex is good". She's full of tact!
Then she explained that she's just going to go to the teahouse first. When they arrived, she'd serve them wine. Then they'd go to sleep. And I'd hire people to carry them out and to a house we've rented (isolated, near the edge of the village). There, we'd pretend to kill the Unkept Lion during interrogation, so the Broken-Face Ogre would confirm it to Da Su Su, if necessary.
As she likes saying, sleeping powder isn't poison. And the best way to dupe Da Su Su is to give her some evidence (we'd witnessed how easy it was to get her to believe).

I went to the municipalitiy and "recognised" the body of a random homeless man having died from hunger, disease or something. At least the guy would get a proper cremation before Da Su Su arrived - which is better than what he'd get otherwise. And I burned some paper money for his spirit to apologise for misnaming him - but he'd at least have a name on his grave. The municipality, not knowing the names of the homeless, tends to bury them in the cheapest coffins with no names.
I was more generous with Da Su Su's money.
And then we started to act, and everything went according to plan. My wife remained unrecognised, the sleeping powder I'd bought from a local herbalist worked like a charm, and the Broken-Faced Ogre woke up in the basement of the house to see the bleeding body of the Unkept Lion hanging from chains from the roof.
"My wife got carried out", I explained. "Now listen. I'm going to make that simple: you tell me where the sword is, and I'll show some mercy."
"What sword?"
"Have you stolen other swords as well, on top of that of your late master? You have no shame!"
"Yeah, like I'm going to tell you. Even if you torture me..."
"I'm not going to."
"What?"
"I'm not that kind of guy that would do that".
"So why would I tell you?"
I pointed to the body.
"As you can see, however, my wife finds it fun. I'm here because I don't want to use that on you, too..."
The realization passed through his still opiates-clouded mind. He spat, however.
"Is that your last word? I urge you - deal with me, not with her!"
"Are you going to release me if I tell you?"
"No. But after I find the sword, I'm going to kill you before Da Su Su gets here".
Yes, he got the short end of the stick. But I didn't like him, and not because of the scars. If you can kill your Shifu (teacher-father), you can murder your own parents, too!
And who would want to show clemency to someone who's able to murder his parents? Every action should have its just reward.
The Unkept Lion got a better deal than he deserved, if you ask me. This guy was going to get exactly what I had in store for him.
"Fuck you!"
"Wrong answer. I'm not into men."
I went outside, and nodded at my wife. Well, now she had to confirm the reputation she had gained by "killing accidentally" the Unkept Lion!
"I told you you're wasting time", she answered, and went in.

***

After a while (I went to make tea, so didn't witness the scene), my wife went out and nodded.
"He didn't speak. Proceed as you had planned. The moron repeats 'You can't do anything worse to me than killing me'".
I went to take my pen, and wrote the following.
"Respectable Da Su Su, 
I am delighted to report that Heavens rewarded our great efforts on your account by capturing two of your father's murderers, the male ones! One of them - alive. 
Luckily, the Unkept Lion said, before he died due to, ahem, enhanced interrogation techniques being applied maybe a little too zealously, that the other guy had the sword. He does, however, refuse to tell us where it is hidden, and I'm loathe to authorize my wife to continue applying the same interrogation methods, lest he suffers the same fate as the late, Unkept (and Unlamented) Lion. 
If he couldn't be made to talk, I'd prefer having him fall to your hand. You have a personal grudge against him. 
Our current address is..." 
He was going to realize that there's worse things I can do to him.
Please note: we really weren't planning to lament the loss of the Unkept Lion. Who was, now, the Well-Groomed Lion - we decided that the best way for him to hide would be to change his signature fashion style, and he agreed.
He was indeed unrecognizable, is all I can say.

***

While waiting for Da Su Su, we got bored. And then we included the head of my security (and current student) into our family entertainment. She didn't mind.

And then we purchased the only decent brothel around, and started improving it. The owners were previous workers - we made them managers, but since they were still bosses (we didn't plan spending much time there). Luckily, there were some newbies, too, that we could train to perform better - though there's also demand for untrained service, for some reason. I got the hard task of teaching her everything I could, so she'd make lots of money when we sold the right to be her first client on an auction (in a bigger city).
We're also going to be looking for talented girls who might like to join our new establishment. Though that's unlikely before we get to a bigger city. 
The things we do to pass the time!
Also: Stunning Beauty Team is really into micromanagement, is all I can say. 

***

Then Da Su Su arrived, commended us and took her father's murderer. Before dying, he admitted where he had left the sword. Of course, she sent us to retrieve it (probably assuming that she's paying us anyway).
Well, off we went. The trip south (we're near Huisheng) went easy.
If we don't count the Firelance brothers and their bunch, that is. Well, I guess that wasn't all of them.
As it was, my wife noticed them, while I was looking at her ass. (Yes, botched!) She warned me there's people in the bushes.
I went closer, pretending I'm going to take a piss at a nearby tree, which had a couple bandits on the other side. On my way, I tried to discretely perform the "power-up" part of the Heart-Breaking Shot.
In response, they started shooting at me with the fire spears. I took a couple hits on my iron body, and with an yell, punched the tree in front of me so hard it bent and smashed the two bandits.
Two down. My wife had, meanwhile, disappeared in the crowns of the trees. Well, one of us is a Lightfoot (Qing Gong) specialist, and the other one has mastered Iron Body! No punch can harm me!
Secure in my Nei Gong invulnerability, I looked at the bandits and started giving them a piece of my mind. I mentioned their skills or rather, lack thereof, their ancestors and their notoriety, comparing it to that of dogs. Except dogs have skills and have earned at least a measure of fame.
As it was, that earned me the attention of their two leaders. They tried replying, but fighting a battle of words with a scholar was...out of their league, putting it simply.
So they attacked. The bastards were fast! I took the first attack on my Iron Body, and tried to smash one of them in the face. I was sure to be able to shrug off the second guy's attack as well.
Then I realised that my gut hurts when I'm trying to move, and I dropped, mercifully losing conscience. I had been stabbed already!
The hits that hurt the most are those you don't see. You can't really apply your Nei Gong, either!
When I woke up, my wife had dispatched them. She says there were 21 in total, so it didn't take long. (It also helped that she's a kicking specialist, and those guys seemed to be poor at kick defence).
Most of them were even alive! I meditated my way to recovery, and insisted that we let them tied up in the crowns of trees. They were going to fast for a couple days, while we recovered the sword, and then we'd return and lead them to the closest city to give them to the authorities.
We did recover the sword (and some gold...the Broken-Faced Ogre had been hiding stuff he amassed there, and it seems he had been stealing from his clan long before he murdered the leader).
On the way back, we found no bandits...and no bodies, so it wasn't the work of predators (as I'd been afraid might happen). My wife didn't exactly appreciate that, and I had to live with the "told you we had to kill them" nagging. She had been angry at them for stabbing her husband, and she doesn't like fighting anyone twice!
"But it was the right thing to do!", I argued.
"Men! You're lucky I'm here to save your righteous ass!"
Let me tell you, that single word didn't mean that I embodied the best qualities of the male gender...but at least she cared about me enough to beat 19 men in order to save me!
Well, now we just have to see if the guys my wife had beaten would be looking for payback. Want to bet? I'm saying they'd try something.

We'll see next session.